Where is it? I was trying my hardest to find it. It wasn't under the rugs, in the past love letters, among the photos and memorabilia. I couldn't find it in our hands, in our shared pantry, in our breakfast eggs. Where could it be then? I had it before... well, we had it before.
You know, the one that makes loving easy. The one that drives you to surprise each other almost every day. The one that gets you head over heels, puts butterflies in your stomach, and pastes hearts in your eyes.
Because after almost a year (4 more months till the happy anniversary!) of face-to-face Good Mornings and Good Nights (and believe me, it's not always a chirpy greeting), it dies down a bit along the way.
Those feelings are a tricky thing, the older generation tells us. I always thought that wouldn't be a problem so I just shrugged off the advice. He and I are special, you see. But it turns out we weren't exempt from real life. No one is.
So when the feelings can't be found and are merely a trace to the past, there comes a greater, and far more noble, opportunity:
To say 'I love you' even when I'm annoyed, To write, 'I forgive you' so the wounds can heal, To surprise him with a fancy dinner even when I miss him surprising me, To put a smile on my face even if I'm not a morning person, To be honest with him even when I don't feel like sharing because I know it'll do us both some good, To continue the traditions of the past (like letter writing and monthly meetings and daily mass) even when I don't feel like it.
The ultimate truth is, say it with me, marriage is hard (ha, and we don't even have children yet). So we succumb to desperately seeking for that one thing that will make it easy again, like before. But in the desperation, I uncovered the secret: You can't find it. You have to create it.
So I started with pumping some red heart balloons myself, cooking his favorite ribeye salpicao and decided, firmly, on being a gentle, trusting, loving wife even if it feels so much better and easier to close in on myself. 'She brings him good, not harm, all the days of his life.'
In marriage, Love is created. Love is decided on. Love is struggled through.
It is only after all that that we are crowned with jewels that last even beyond a lifetime. Well, isn't that beautiful? And aren't we so blessed?