This is a story of God's goodness.
No one had any idea. While I was writing Part 2 of my miscarriage experience, I was also waiting for the results of my pregnancy test. What an afternoon that was for me - I felt like I was split in half. There I was recalling the painful details of the miscarriage and at the same time, being enveloped by anxiety and wonder. No one had any idea. Not even my husband.
It was exactly a month after the surgical procedure. I had an inkling that we had conceived again. But, after what we went through, I didn't want to bank on my womanly intuition just yet.
I hit 'Publish' on my blog. I went into the elevator. I said a little prayer on the way to the clinic. I thought I would be drowning in thoughts and heartbeats. Instead, I found myself in complete silence. I didn't want to be excited but I also didn't want to embrace despair. Silence, openness was the best response to that.
'Hi, Miss. I'm here to pick up my results.' I hand over the receipt.
In return, she hands me a white, thin envelope. 'Thank you.'
I left the clinic and stood near the McDonald's. I run my hands over the envelope. It's quite amazing how a piece of paper can tell you your fate. 'Whatever you want, God. Whatever you want.'
I lift the flap, unfold the paper. And there it was, in all caps: POSITIVE.
It wasn't the most romantic way to find out. I was alone, standing in the middle of the mall's basement, surrounded by a flurry of people minding their own business, oblivious to the fact that in their midst... was a woman who just found out that she was given another chance at life.
It wasn't the most romantic way to find out. It was downright simple. But it was born out of the most trying and beautiful circumstances. That made the moment wholly profound. Truth be told, I wouldn't have had it any other way.
I looked at my watch and realized I had only an hour left before my husband came home. I ran back to our place, sat on my desk, and painted whatever I could. That's when I felt my heart beating, when I noticed my mind racing. 'I can't believe it... One month later...'
I heard his keys open the door. There he was. 'Hey, I have to show you something. I painted.'
He just stood there, probably thinking, 'Another fleeting hobby of hers again?'
There were no cameras, no pregnancy stick, no preconceived idea. The perfect surprise.
'Buddy, because of our LOVE... and because of our FIAT (YES) to God's plan for us... We can now, once again, say... HELLO, BABY!'
He smiled and bursted into pure bliss. That's what I lived for that day.
Well, that and God handing over His promise to me and my husband. It's almost as if I heard him whispering, 'I told you so, my darling.'
After all the waiting and wondering, after planning, after losing, after death, after pain, after complete surrender, my husband and I finally got our rainbow baby.
There certainly is life after death. Our firstborn child, due in just four months, will live to prove that to us all.